Lost

Well my main issue that is running through my mind is about a guy, what a surprise. I have been kind of seeing this guy D, but well I just don't feel the spark. He is a great guy and I honestly believe so, but the main problem is I don't feel a deeper connection with him. And well I truely do want to stay friends with him, so I am not sure how to let him down gently. For a while I really did want to be with him, but I think it was more because I was lonely rather than wanting him. Well the other night I stayed up until 4 am talking to his best friend M for about 5 hours. We talked about everything, we debated, we listened and we learned. I truely had an amazing conversation with him. After this conversation I had well an epiphany. It made me realize I need to be with a guy who I can talk to for hours on end and I will not get bored of. I need a guy who will challenge me not just accept what I say. I also want a a guy who is smart and can share with me his knowledge. And well now I am not so sure if I'm not falling for D's best friend M. This would be dreadful, because I don't even want to imagine what would happen between D and M. All I know is that I really want to get to know M more, because he makes me want to be a different person. He has completely opened my eyes up to different music and oppinions that I never even considered myself. I don't know what to do, I truely need help =(. On the other hand, I also could be falling for M because I always fall for the guys who I can't have. I believe it's because (relating back to my last blog), that well if I know he is out of m reach I know that maybe nothing will blossom between us, Thus preventing me from having a real relationship. I have had my share of relationships, but I want a serious relationship, but I don't know if my heart is ready for what my mind is.

---Parting is such sweet sorrow ---- Shakespeare